he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
