let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
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They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
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You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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