I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
