Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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