So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
