Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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