Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
