I wish I could teleport
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
