covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
