Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
