The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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