I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
