Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The air was thick with penises
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
