I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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