I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
