This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
