i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
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fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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