I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
