So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
