the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
