saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
