My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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