How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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