You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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