my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
