We're like a lot better than the average bears
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
