just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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