I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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