I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
