Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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