Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
