burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
