I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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