Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
