It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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