Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
