He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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