Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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