I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize