just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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