I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
