The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
