Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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