Im at strip club and am horny
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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