I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
