are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize