Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
