M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
