Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
