apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
