How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
