the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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