Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
