Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
