her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
